HOPEs Poetry Competition

Written by a young man diagnosed with bi-polar and found under his bed after he was taken to hospital following an overdose…

If you ever knew the feelings that I have you would know why I am going to do this thing

I cry internally all the time but I am unable to do so physically

My world is not yours but one of fear and sadness

Which will never go away …….never

I wish this had never been given to me but it has

I see no other way

Darkness falls upon the light

Day becomes a week then another year

Who wants this, not me, not you

They all shout and scream ‘come on, why this and not that’

I prefer that don’t you?

Who are you any way

POEM DAD

We were always a healthy family
Living oh so happily

Luckier than most
I never liked to boast

Then something changed
We learned you were pained

We tried our best to support you
In every way we knew

But things spiralled
& you were frightened

Frightened of it all
Curled up in a ball

In pain we could not see
A pain we could not free

Still we kept on trying
We could not bare the thought of you dying

We so desperately tried to support you
In all you were going through

In a pain we could not see
A pain we could not free

In deep sadness we are left
After all it feels like theft

To lose a life worth so much
If only I could have one last touch

Forever a feeling of missing
Always reminiscing

In a pain we could not see
A pain we could not free

Love never dies
But remember depression lies

I love you forever
Always we’re together

Dad

Try to Understand

Imagine only feeling anxiety and pain
You go to sleep hoping, but you wake and it is there again.
Monday to Sunday, week after week
You look for positivity but all around you is bleak.

Your family and friends tell you time after time,
Try not to worry, things will be fine.
You see them, you hear it, but it doesn’t sink in.
It’s as if your heart is made out of tin.

Only you know the force of the torment you are feeling
Your anguish, your fear, your hands always reeling.
You yearn to laugh, to cry, to feel some emotion
When all you can see is your world in commotion.

You didn’t choose to die, you chose to set yourself free
You are now in a world free of pain, free of anxiety.
You are not gone, in our hearts you stand strong
As we tell your story with smiles and laughter, your memory will live on.

A walk in the black forest
Travelled deep into chaos
Far, far from the path
Did you find your way home?

The End Has No Beginning

The end.
The beginning has no end and the end has no beginning.
The sweep of time on life is a mystery.
One second here and the next second vanished and each second makes the past a reality.
The fastness of time really is a catastrophe, yet slow down a tragedy and you get a glimpse of true human destiny.
One second here and the next moving through galaxy.
I suppose a body is nothing when the soul is free to get lost in harmony.
The end has no beginning and the beginning has no end.
The beginning.

Together

I think of all the ways I failed you
And all the ways I could have done better
I have tormented myself with knowing I couldn’t save your torment
The way you were that night
I wasn’t there to hold you
I wasn’t there to save you
But
I know I’m not a failure
I know I didn’t fail you
I wasn’t there but we can’t be everywhere
I was human
You were human
We have our moments
We have our falls
We have our despair, our darkness
And
I could have possibly been able to be your light
To hold you,
To save you,
But
Not that night,
Try as I might,
To do what was right,
You had to fight your own fight
And
You were scared
However
We were being pulled in different directions,
Only because I didn’t know where you were
I was trying to find you and going nowhere
I didn’t know where you were
I didn’t know
I didn’t know
But
I tried
Both of us
We tried
Together
We tried
Together

What Could Have Been

Watching the children,
Chattering their way to school,
Jumping and skipping, holding Mummy’s hand,
Oh, so cool;

To have that chance again,
To turn the clock back,
If only I could just one more time,
Watch that bobbing Beano backpack.

His future flashed before my eyes,
His graduation, his degree,
He stood there smart in his suit,
A wonderful sight to see!

Would a girlfriend be there also?
Or a job all lined up?
What would he look like at 23,
All spruced up?

Alas, I’ll never know,
For it was not to be,
I knelt there at his grave,
Emotions welling up in me.

Always in our Hearts

Walking in the town,
Feeling desolate in your mind,
Your heart it pounds,
Thoughts swirling as you find,
That your loved one,
Is everywhere you go,
You can’t leave them behind,
Because you love them so.
They never really left,
For as long as you take a breath,
They live in you,
Until your very own death.